Crucial Conversations Part III

by Seth Sinclair

In my two most recent blog posts, I’ve provided some insight into the book “Crucial Conversations: tools for talking when stakes are high,” by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. In this post, I’d like to summarize a few key take-aways to help you digest and better understand this important book. 

1)   Learn to spot crucial conversations themselves. According to the authors, a conversation is crucial when opinions vary, stakes are high, and emotions run strong.  They are conversations that have an important impact on your life, or your work.  Most of us avoid these conversations, especially when we think they won’t go well, or aren’t going well.  Instead, we need to learn to anticipate them and build up the ability to face them with confidence.  My first post on this topic identifies some common crucial conversations. 

2)   Prepare for crucial conversations before they take place. My second post on the book summarizes the eight steps that will help you create alignment and agreement by fostering open dialogue.  The eight steps boil down to this: think about what you really want to get out of a crucial conversation.  Explore your emotions.  Keep an open mind. That’s all you need to do to be successful.

3)   Learn to employ helpful behaviors during a crucial conversation. Pay attention to both the content of the conversation and the emotions of those taking part in it; watch out for counter-productive behaviors such as anger; seek a mutual purpose among all parties; speak persuasively but not abrasively; and try to remain curious about the other person’s perspective.  When dialogue is faltering, seeking to better understand what the other person is thinking can keep things moving.

4)   The end of a crucial conversation should always involve action. Come to an agreement on specific actions that will be taken and how and when follow-up will occur.  Without action, the conversation may lead to disappointment and hard feelings. 

In the final chapter of their book, the authors write: “If you read the previous pages in a short period of time, you probably feel like an anaconda that just swallowed a warthog. It’s a lot to digest.”  Practicing and adopting these behaviors is a learning process that requires commitment and time.  However, mastering the art of Crucial Conversations is undoubtedly a worthwhile effort from which anyone can benefit both personally and professionally.