Crucial Conversations (Part 1)

by Seth Sinclair

In 2002, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler published the first edition of their landmark book, “Crucial Conversations: tools for talking when stakes are high.”  Since then, the book has been revised once (in 2012), has sold more than 2 million copies, and has been translated into 28 languages.  It is regularly listed among the most popular business books available anywhere.

The authors have written that they didn’t set out to write a book on communication.  Instead, they were researching the behaviors of high performing managers.  They found that, most of the time, these high performers were indistinguishable from their peers—but as soon as the stakes were high, emotions were strong, and opinions differed, top performers were significantly more effective than others.

When those conditions exist, the authors believe, learning to speak up effectively in conversations helps managers, or anyone, to achieve the results they are after.  These conversations are no longer typical, but become crucial.  Crucial conversations are common both in work situations and at home. 

Some examples of crucial conversations include ending a relationship; asking a friend to repay a loan; providing feedback to your boss on his or her behavior; critiquing a colleague’s work; talking to a team member who isn’t keeping his or her commitments; and talking to a colleague who is hoarding information or resources.

There are three ways in which crucial conversations are usually handled; they are avoided, faced and handled poorly, or faced and handled well. Unfortunately, most people handle these types of conversations poorly because our instincts tend to sabotage our effectiveness when we have opposing viewpoints, high emotions, or take part in high impact discussions.  We need skills to overcome those tendencies for better outcomes.

Those who master the skills in the Crucial Conversations book reap a number of very significant benefits.   Knowing how to implement crucial conversations can kick start your career; improve the operations of your organization; improve your personal and professional relationships; revitalize your family and community; and even improve your personal health.

There are eight steps outlined in the book to help you succeed in creating alignment and agreement by fostering open dialogue around high-stakes, emotional, or risky topics.  In my next post, I’ll discuss those steps in some detail—but I strongly urge you to buy the book and refer to it frequently, as I do.